ROSE: Hmm... You know.
ROSE: Speaking of something that relates to the conversation we are implied to have been having in this 'in media res' intro, you haven't been rapping much lately, have you, Dave?
DAVE: no
DAVE: obviously i still like rapping like imagine a dave that isnt steeped and marinaded in ill rhymes forever
DAVE: that is some non canonical dogshit we have stumbled upon and it aint my responsibility to put it in a plastic bag
DAVE: leave that to the owner type of shit
DAVE: yeah i rap i just dont do it around you
DAVE: or show you my raps
DAVE: because unlike karkat who listens to my every lyric with brow knitting curiosity + respectful silence
DAVE: you just get weird about it and try and one up me
ROSE: Oh, I do not. I'm trying to be supportive.
DAVE: bs
DAVE: you rap over me not alongside me you dont even indulge any of my motifs you just talk about your own stuff
ROSE: Your motifs?
ROSE: Such as, bravado, absurdism with toilet humor characteristics, and ubiquitous gay male sex metaphor and imagery?
DAVE: yeah
ROSE: I could stand to turn up the yaoi knob a smidgen or two, I suppose.
DAVE: finally she listens
KANAYA: I Believe It Is My Responsibility To Step In And Defend My Wifes Honor Even If The Ruffian Imposing Upon It Should Turn Out To Be My Own Brother In Law
KANAYA: Roses Raps Are Superb
KANAYA: An Extension Of Her Longstanding Penchant For Poetry Inspired And Elevated By You And Also In Part By Her Daughter Sister Moms Affinity For Humorously Casual Vernacular And Carefully Managed Grammatical Transgressions
DAVE: wrong
DAVE: everything she does has to be pretentious up the butt
DAVE: being all coy and mysterious and shit like there are deep riddles behind every dumb brag about her sexual prowess or whatever
DAVE: like shes too good to just rap about wrecking peoples shit or about what cool stuff is
DAVE: she has to be this indie ass mystic visionary and weave shrewy verbose bookgirl shit into it
DAVE: only female rapper at a 'conscious hip hop label' type of shit
ROSE: Oh, am I stained by the sin of weaving verbose mystic visions?
ROSE: Has the complacent rap god confused his praises and his derisions?
DAVE: oh my god no stop it stop mystery rapping right now
DAVE: take your riddle posse and your kanaya and get the fuck out of your apartment that im in right now
ROSE: Yes, I do seem to be shadowed by each mystery and its somber cortege of riddles, don't I?
ROSE: Umai! Totemo oishiku tsukurareta sake na no ne. Meishu ni chigainai.
KANAYA: (That Is Some Shit That Damara Taught Her)
ROSE: Ooh, my. Does the riddled cortege evince sombriety or mirth?
ROSE: New earth. Living earth. Fortune's worth what it's worth.
ROSE: When prose wilts as fading rose, and rot comes to the poesies,
ROSE: Rap will fill my void, and by my rhymes the worlds shall know me.
ROSE: This sober laughing cortege has had to find some new edge,
ROSE: Find new flesh-canvas upon which to fulfill its
ROSE: Value as an instrument, and carve,
ROSE: Fresh meat on which to keep feeding like Don't Starve,
ROSE: And keep my girl wet like the bandits Harry and Marv,
ROSE: And keep her babbling insane like yk'tah G'ryub'nb'narf.
KANAYA: (She Really Does Do That To Me)
DAVE: oh my god stop
ROSE: Hey girl,
ROSE: At first pierce of the needle's sting, be not alarmed;
ROSE: The pollen-drunk bee brings bloom and honey with no harm.
ROSE: Yes, already you feel yourself relaxing,
ROSE: You feel your tensed-up sinews slacken,
ROSE: And parasympathetic response happens.
ROSE: And I know just where to touch, because I'm, like, oracular.
ROSE: I plunge all the way deep, because I am tentacular.
ROSE: This lavender maiden offers double-butler-isle tier service,
ROSE: Offers herself to you, Kanaya:
ROSE: Humbly, at your cervix.
KANAYA: (This Is Very Flattering Im Being So Flattered Right Now)
KANAYA: (And Additionally)
KANAYA: (Swooned)
DAVE: im going to fucking kill you
KANAYA: I Sense No Killing Intent
DAVE: like
DAVE: you two are so far beyond pda this is objectively sickening
DAVE: like youre a bee and shes a flower but youre also sticking your conceptual anime tentacle phallus in her
DAVE: at least when i rap about slapping guys across the face with my dick til they kneel before me and call me the god of rap you know im doing it for the humor value with a sort of comical flair
DAVE: even though i like
DAVE: do kind of do stuff like that with guys
DAVE: well
DAVE: a guy
VRISKA: Where the fuck are the fucking cheese snacks!!!!!!!!
KANAYA: You Do Not Need To Shout Your Request All The Way From The Other Side Of The Apartment
KANAYA: Also Dave Ate Them
DAVE: fucking sellout traitor
VRISKA: Ok, jeez. That's fine. What, am I going to throw a 8ig fit about it and kill Dave? I am not this huge 8ratty 13-year-old girl anymore.
ROSE: Doubtful!
VRISKA: Sh8t the f8ck up!!!!!!!! Anyway, I am going 8ack to my room. My throat hurts from yelling every word that I've spoken so far. ::::(
DAVE: ok
DAVE: leighter
ROSE: Hahaha.
KANAYA: Lol
KANAYA: Dave You Are A Funny Guy
ROSE: Right?
DAVE: mere flattery
DAVE: also whatevers happening or not happening with her is weird
ROSE: Why?
ROSE: We're only roommates.
KANAYA: Only Roommates
DAVE: ok cool see i knew there had to be a perfectly reasonable and un lesbian sounding explanation for it
DAVE: gotta find ways to save on rent even though oh wait rent and homelessness doesnt fucking exist in our society
KANAYA: Glad To Ease Your Worries
KANAYA: And Enlighten You About Our Very Sensible And Thrifty Living Arrangement
ROSE: We are always finding new and clever ways to firmly pinch our precious pennies.
DAVE: ooh look at me im rose maryam
DAVE: dup de durr whoa look at that unnecessarily sexual phrasing i adverbed onto a statement
DAVE: was that intentional who can say im miss coy smug mystery
KANAYA: As You Established Miss Coy Smug Mystery Is Her Maiden Name
KANAYA: It Is Of Course Mrs Maryam Now
ROSE: With the ring to prove it.
DAVE: ok yes youre about as married as two annoying lesbians can get
DAVE: gay reality established
DAVE: can we please talk about what we actually came here to talk about instead of filming another exciting episode of the half hour torture dave strider happy hour
ROSE: Well, what do you think, Kanaya? We are already making bank on syndication rights.
KANAYA: Ill Allow It
DAVE: ok so distri and jake and tz
ROSE: (Side comment: It's so cute that you call him Di-Stri now. Roxy has left such an impression on you.)
DAVE: w/e it just sounds cool
DAVE: which is the only rubric by which i judge anything
DAVE: and if my mom happens to also think its cool then thats whatev
DAVE: ok so (spoken in passive aggressive all caps) dirk
DAVE: and jake and tz are throwing this big uncorpse party for some of the new arrivals
DAVE: aa and sollux are supposed to show up cuz it falls on 'the festival of life day' and that sort of solemn ceremonious the veil between worlds being thin shit is apparently what gets them off enough to bother showing up and hanging out once in a while
KANAYA: I Think Sollux Is Moreso Neutral To It And Is Doing It To Support His Girlfriend
DAVE: true but mad tangential
DAVE: and i mean obv me and karkat are going too its not like im going to sit here and be this stoic downplaying asshole like 'oh what we found a way to cheat death huh well thats chill i guess'
DAVE: but arent we worried about
DAVE: idk
DAVE: hitting existential critical mass on this shit
DAVE: how many dead daves can i humbly coexist with before i start getting uncomfortable and wondering what being a real dave even means
DAVE: this was less of a big deal for the couple of years where life was one big video game
DAVE: its way more fucking unnerving and unsettling now in a world that is kind of ostensibly real
ROSE: Personally, I view the problem as self-resolving. I've talked with Roxy and the resident royal historian of the Carapacian government, i.e. Roxy's green wife, a number of times on this matter.
ROSE: Jane's quixotic mission will not lead to the revival of souls at a rate that our already rather populous worlds cannot absorb. This is not due to a lack of trying on our ebullient fellow goddess' part, to be sure, but due to the generally reticent attitude of the longtime dead who haven't yet been all the way digested by the black hole.
ROSE: There is a realm beyond all cycles and vicissitudes that these people surely long to go to. Not everyone is cut out to be an everyday Bodhisattva of the type that Jane's revival technique uniquely endows her to create.
KANAYA: Plus Like You Say It Is A Big World
KANAYA: Plenty Of Room To Spread Out
KANAYA: And By Living In Your Own Way Carve Out Your Own Sort Of Identity That Is Not Obviated By Someone Half A World Away Happening To Share A Name And Similar Face To You
KANAYA: Maybe Its The Fellow Prospitian Optimist In Me But I Feel Sympathetic To Janes Mission As Someone Who Has Finally Come Around To The Idea That Life Is Inherently Worth Living
ROSE: Grr, those darned Prospitian lunar-sway havers! Being all optimistic and profoundly inspiring and such. I am convincingly mad and committed to the bit!
ROSE: I am certain that my fellow Derse-swayed agrees, right?
DAVE: ultra dont care
DAVE: but idk youre right regardless of what the fuck color your gay little dream pajamas theoretically are
DAVE: why do i the dave of neo can city give a personal shit if for ex the lime suited dead dave decides to become some nutty fuckin recluse at a lakeside cabin in gristal shores or wherever
ROSE: That's the spirit.
ROSE: I don't surmise that we'll be seeing a great deal of duplicates anyway, except perhaps the few that truly were never comfortable with their fate in the first place.